Hello Jaye Scribers!!!!! What's going on? Hot? Yes I know, I too have been trying to stay cool in this onslaught of unmanageable heat that came purely out of no where. Anywho...today I want to talk about Choices That Bind.
I know that everything that we do in life is some sort of choice. Whether or not it's choosing one type of soda to drink or choosing to go to church on Sunday, etc. You get my drift. However those are NOT the type of choices I want to discuss. I'm specifically talking about choices that BIND. Bind us to a job, bind us to a person or worse bind us to an idea of an impossible situation or relationship.
How many of us are working a job because we made the choice, "I have to make money"? And now you're making money, going to work everyday and miserable because you don't love what you do? I think that for most of us work connecting to stability was something that our parents instilled in us from an early age. They wanted to make sure that we had what they did not most of their life...stability!! That we did not make the same mistakes that they did.
And so we ventured out into our lives and we got something that was stable and paid the bills, but we forgot about us. We forgot about the little girl who wanted to be a doctor but she settled on going to trade school to become a nurse or dental assistant. We forgot about the little boy who wanted to be a rock star but now instead he's working at the post office singing at the office parties for free because they can't afford entertainment.
As much as we need stability we need to also LOVE what we do. Dreams are POSSIBLE!!!! They are attainable, but they do take LOTS of work to achieve. I guess in this situation the most important question is: "Are you ready to make a choice that binds you to your dream?" Can we really all do what we love to do? I mean someone has to work at the McDonald's drive-thru, right? Who's going to tend the gardens? Who's going to wash the cars? ALL of these are questions that most of us have thought about and because of the obvious answers we tell ourselves, 'dreams are just that...dreams'.
Maybe you're work is not your issue. Maybe you DO love what you do....but are you happy with who you're with?
I find that a lot of people at some point in their lives (including myself) have been in a relationship that just DID NOT work out!!! We prodded and pleaded with ourselves to believe and stick with the idea of perfection that we tried to simulate by being what we THOUGHT they wanted. Unfortunately no matter how much we try and change ourselves if they're not willing to work and make it work then it can never prosper. But WHY do we continue to pour into something that has a major hole in it? Most times we confuse love with lust, plain and simple. I don't care what ANYONE has to say LOVE is not suppose to hurt. It doesn't cause you to intentionally hurt that person, it doesn't call for you to just do whatever you want simply becaues you're not married or whatever the case. Love SHOULD be something that holds you accountable to the people you say you love. If you find that you have NOTHING in common with a person outside of things they do for you, their looks, their paycheck, their sex...then you might not really be in love.
We should all try to understand that real love is about knowing how your significant other defines love. You can't push YOUR definition of love onto someone else who doesn't share the same definition. As many of us do though, we stick around a bad situation for months and even years praying and hoping that the situation (better yet the person) will change. And we stay why? Not because we're happy? Because we make a choice that binds us to that person. We choose to hope for the best and "one day" things will get better. I have a question for you: "How long will you wait for better?"
Sometimes we have to put on our grown up drawers and accept what IS....not what you want things to be. In this situation you really have to ask yourself, "Are you willing to miss out on Great because you're making a choice that binds you to just 'ok'?"
Everyone reaches a point in their lives where they are tired of being tired. They are forced to make a life changing or even just a situation changing decision. I hope that if you are making choices that bind you, that at very least they are binding you to a job you overly enjoy, a love that is healthy and flourishing and lastly a choice that binds you to a foundation that when even in the midst of a storm you know that you will survive for the better.
Don't allow traditions and projected expectations to force you to make choices that bind you to hurt, depression and heartache.
Please share your thoughts, your stories, your experiences and opionions. As you know I love to read them and I will do my best to respond and chime in.
~Till Next Blog I'm Danyol Jaye with The Jaye Spot~
It's funny you brought this subject up. I'm struggling to respond because there are so many reasons why people stay bound to things that seemingly have no real shot of promoting happiness or fulfillment. I feel like I could write a book on it, lol. So to focus this comment, I believe the common denominator in most of the scenarios you presented is fear. You mentioned traditions and projected expectations as being potential causes for people to remain unfulfilling situations. Yes, most definitely--especially in relationships. However, fear works both ways.
ReplyDeleteAs a Christian, i've found myself responding to what I believed and have known to be the Lord's desire for our lives not out of love and faith, but out of fear--and i'm not referring to reverent fear. In the same manner, I've also at times neglected to do what I believed to be His will out of that same type of fear. Through that fear i'd made some binding choices that ended up in pain and also abstained from making others that potentially could have brought a happy result.
I won't take up much more space cuz this is not my spot, lol, so i'll say this: fear must be properly identified and mitigated. Even a seeming right move done not out of faith but fear is sin--if not against the Lord, then against one's self. The Lord always deals in honesty and integrity with one's self and thus toward Him, and a confident move toward what we believe to be Him (which is one made in faith) is what will please Him. Any seemingly good or bad decision made out of fear is of no benefit to anyone--the Lord will take no pleasure in it and you'll likely not be happy in the end.
Man, its quite a few points to touch on in this one. Sorry if I miss a few, but I think it is nteresting how we do tend to commit outselves to our jobs, but end up hating our boss or the job in general. Sometimes people work such jobs because it is the only thing they qualified for at the time or it was just easier to apply for it. Sometimes, people have to work a second job to make ends meet. You never really know the reason, but without people working these jobs, we would be lost.
ReplyDeleteThe Greeks set up their society where all men had to work in order to keep the economy flowing properly. Each child was to take a test, I forget what type of test, but the results determined their role in their society. There was three main categories. 1) the soldier, 2) the merchant, and....hell, I forgot the last one, but people were sometimes bound to work certain jobs for the good of the economy.
As far as love goes, I kind of have this theory. I think women in particular stick with men and bad relationships for at least one of these three reasons:
1) He is a great provider, 2) He is a protector, and/or 3) He can put it down in bed. Not specifically in that order. Now, sometimes, the relationship is lacking one or two of those things, i.e. instead of protecting her, he beats her, but he is still paying the bills and puttin it down in the sack.
Its crazy, but when God isn't in the relationship to begin with, it will definitely go south, fast and crash hard! Naturally, all relationships have ups and downs, but I've learned from my little 3 years of marriage that if its worth it, you will find common ground to work it out; which only makes the relationship stronger.
When you think about it, the person that loves the least or puts forth the less effort, tends to control the relationship. Like you said Danyol, we hope and pray and wish that the person will change. They are controlling us and minipulating us by using our false hopes against us...which binds us.
This is a deep blog and I can't keep up with all the points you got goin on here, but, the main thing is that a person tends to make these type of decisions based on some sense of "its what I'm supposed to do"; which is why we sometimes sacrifice our happiness for everything else.
phew......
You have gotten deep, its crazy all the things you spoke about we all think about. More then likely we're all trying to find the questions to our own answers even if we're trying to hold on to something that the other person has already let go of.
ReplyDeleteThis really made me think, Change has to come somewhere someday somehow. For the most part we have to change ourselves.
Thank you all for commenting on this blog, it is my goal to bring subjects that most people will not touch because it evokes critical thought and observation of ones own situation.
ReplyDeleteI appreaciate ALL the love and support and I ask that you spread the word of The Jaye Spot so that these types of topics don't get lost in the shallowness of surface media and mediocrity.